Mon, Jun 29, 2009 Urban,
The Straits Times
Heart braker by Imran Jalal
You have fallen in love and now the Big Day looms. Swoon, your dream wedding. Except that your partner is exhibiting classic signs of cold feet. He is not at all interested in matrimonial activities such as wedding-dinner planning, where to go on your honeymoon and house hunting. A talk about starting a family sees him changing the subject to something completely unrelated, like how many elephants there are left in the world. These are what Ang Thiam Hong, 55, a psychotherapist and marriage counsellor at five-year-old private practice Edora Counselling Services describes as symptoms of 'commitment anxiety'. Most people about to get hitched would admit to some pre-nuptial jitters, but those with commitment anxiety can take this to extremes. Technical officer Mohammad Sufyan, 34, for instance, has broken off three engagements, although he attributes these failed unions to bad luck rather than commitment phobia. He spoke freely and frankly about how he yearned, then spurned, in an intriguing insight into the maverick male mind. The celebrity world, too, has plenty of such examples: Take singer John Mayer, who broke up with actress Jessica Simpson 12 times in nine months. It is, however, not just the guys who get nervy about nuptials - fickle females freak out as well.
WOMEN GET THE JITTERS TOO
There is Runaway Bride star Julia Roberts - in real life, she ditched actor Kiefer Sutherland three days before they were to be wed. Indeed, Ang says: 'I have seen clients (both male and female) become anxious shortly after a marriage proposal is made or the date of their Registry of Marriage or customary marriage is finalised.' While some are indeed serial heartbreakers who date and dump, there are also those who are genuinely attracted to someone but who cannot handle the 'till death do us part' bit. Daniel Koh, 37, a psychologist from Insights Mind Centre, a private practice that offers counselling and therapy services, explains that the Casanova gets his main thrill out of the seduction process. 'It involves manipulation or deception and can be addictive as it is intermittent, which adds to the thrill,' he says. Commitment phobes, on the other hand, crave what they fear the most: love and connection. However, this craving is often curtailed by past failed relationships or marriages, fear of boredom and even self-esteem issues, Koh says. As well as talking to psychologists about commitment phobia, Urban also spoke to The New Paper's relationship columnist, Dr Date, whose real name is David Tian. Tian, 32, who has a doctorate in Asian cultures, was reported to have snagged 30 women in two months. The lecturer, who is divorced and now in a long-term relationship, shares his perspective: 'Thinking about relationships in terms of commitment is precisely the wrong way of going about it.' He adds: 'If you truly enjoy being with another person, you don't have to worry about 'commitment'. 'You won't want to leave that person regardless of any kind of contract.' There is hope, though, for those reluctant to be at one with The One. Commitment phobes can have a long-term relationship if they learn to analyse their fears, says Ang. Then they can get into a situation where they are 'able to make a more well-informed decision they can comfortably live with', he says. Just take George Clooney. He may have broken the hearts of beautiful women from Paris to Los Angeles, but the Hollywood smoothie did manage to overlook mere looks to maintain a relationship for 18 years - with a hairy, snuffling pig. This article was first published in
Urban, The Straits Times.
Monday, June 29, 2009
What does the Bible say about sex before marriage / premarital sex?
http://www.gotquestions.org/sex-before-marriage.htmlQuestion: "What does the Bible say about sex before marriage / premarital sex?"
Answer: Along with all other kinds of sexual immorality, sex before marriage / premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture (Acts 15:20; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13,18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes abstinence before marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, because they all involve having sex with someone you are not married to. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations that God approves of (Hebrews 13:4).
Sex before marriage has become so common for many reasons. Far too often we focus on the “recreation” aspect of sex without recognizing the “re-creation” aspect. Yes, sex is pleasurable. God designed it that way. He wants men and women to enjoy sexual activity (within the confines of marriage). However, the primary purpose of sex is not pleasure, but rather reproduction. God does not outlaw sex before marriage to rob us of pleasure, but to protect us from unwanted pregnancies and children born to parents who do not want them or are not prepared for them. Imagine how much better our world would be if God’s pattern for sex was followed: fewer sexually transmitted diseases, fewer un-wed mothers, fewer unwanted pregnancies, fewer abortions, etc. Abstinence is God’s only policy when it comes to sex before marriage. Abstinence saves lives, protects babies, gives sexual relations the proper value, and most importantly honors God.
Answer: Along with all other kinds of sexual immorality, sex before marriage / premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture (Acts 15:20; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13,18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes abstinence before marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, because they all involve having sex with someone you are not married to. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations that God approves of (Hebrews 13:4).
Sex before marriage has become so common for many reasons. Far too often we focus on the “recreation” aspect of sex without recognizing the “re-creation” aspect. Yes, sex is pleasurable. God designed it that way. He wants men and women to enjoy sexual activity (within the confines of marriage). However, the primary purpose of sex is not pleasure, but rather reproduction. God does not outlaw sex before marriage to rob us of pleasure, but to protect us from unwanted pregnancies and children born to parents who do not want them or are not prepared for them. Imagine how much better our world would be if God’s pattern for sex was followed: fewer sexually transmitted diseases, fewer un-wed mothers, fewer unwanted pregnancies, fewer abortions, etc. Abstinence is God’s only policy when it comes to sex before marriage. Abstinence saves lives, protects babies, gives sexual relations the proper value, and most importantly honors God.
Is it wrong for a couple to live together before marriage?
http://www.gotquestions.org/live-together.htmlQuestion: "Is it wrong for a couple to live together before marriage? Does God have one specific person for you to marry?"
Answer: The answer to this question depends somewhat on what is meant by “living together.” If it means having sexual relations – it is definitely sinful. Premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture along with all other forms of sexual immorality (Acts 15:20; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13,18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes complete abstinence outside of (and before) marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, because they all involve having sex with someone you are not married to.
If "living together" means living in the same house, that is perhaps somewhat of a different issue. Ultimately, there is nothing wrong for a man and a woman to live in the same house – IF there is nothing immoral taking place. However, the problem arises in that there is still the appearance of immorality (1 Thessalonians 5:22; Ephesians 5:3) and it will be a tremendous temptation for immorality. The Bible tells us to flee immorality, not expose ourselves to constant temptations to immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18). Then there is the problem of appearances. A couple that is living together is assumed to be sleeping together – that is just the nature of things. Even though living in the same house is not sinful in and of itself, the appearance of sin is being given. The Bible tells us to avoid the appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22; Ephesians 5:3), to flee from immorality, and not to cause anyone to stumble or be offended. As a result, it is not honoring to God for a couple to live together before marriage.
Answer: The answer to this question depends somewhat on what is meant by “living together.” If it means having sexual relations – it is definitely sinful. Premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture along with all other forms of sexual immorality (Acts 15:20; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13,18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes complete abstinence outside of (and before) marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, because they all involve having sex with someone you are not married to.
If "living together" means living in the same house, that is perhaps somewhat of a different issue. Ultimately, there is nothing wrong for a man and a woman to live in the same house – IF there is nothing immoral taking place. However, the problem arises in that there is still the appearance of immorality (1 Thessalonians 5:22; Ephesians 5:3) and it will be a tremendous temptation for immorality. The Bible tells us to flee immorality, not expose ourselves to constant temptations to immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18). Then there is the problem of appearances. A couple that is living together is assumed to be sleeping together – that is just the nature of things. Even though living in the same house is not sinful in and of itself, the appearance of sin is being given. The Bible tells us to avoid the appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22; Ephesians 5:3), to flee from immorality, and not to cause anyone to stumble or be offended. As a result, it is not honoring to God for a couple to live together before marriage.
What is an appropriate level of intimacy before marriage?
What is an appropriate level of intimacy before marriage?http://www.gotquestions.org/before-marriage.htmlQuestion: "What is an appropriate level of intimacy before marriage?"
Answer: Ephesians 5:3 tells us, "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity...because these are improper for God's holy people." Anything that even "hints" of sexual immorality is inappropriate for a Christian. The Bible does not give us a "list" of what qualifies as a "hint" or tell us specifically what are approved physical activities that a couple can do before they are married. However, just because the Bible does not specifically address the issue - that does not mean God approves of "pre-sexual" activity before marriage. By essence, "foreplay" is designed to get you "ready" for sex. Logically, then, "foreplay" should be restricted to married couples. Anything that can be considered "foreplay" should be avoided until marriage. (There is no need to go into specifics here.)
Any and all sexual activity should be restricted to married couples. What can a pre-married couple do? A pre-married couple should avoid any activity that tempts them toward sex, that gives the appearance of immorality, or that could be considered "foreplay." I, personally, would strongly advise a couple to not go beyond holding hands, hugging, and light kissing before marriage. The more a married couple has to share exclusively between themselves, the more special and unique the sexual relationship in a marriage becomes.
Answer: Ephesians 5:3 tells us, "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity...because these are improper for God's holy people." Anything that even "hints" of sexual immorality is inappropriate for a Christian. The Bible does not give us a "list" of what qualifies as a "hint" or tell us specifically what are approved physical activities that a couple can do before they are married. However, just because the Bible does not specifically address the issue - that does not mean God approves of "pre-sexual" activity before marriage. By essence, "foreplay" is designed to get you "ready" for sex. Logically, then, "foreplay" should be restricted to married couples. Anything that can be considered "foreplay" should be avoided until marriage. (There is no need to go into specifics here.)
Any and all sexual activity should be restricted to married couples. What can a pre-married couple do? A pre-married couple should avoid any activity that tempts them toward sex, that gives the appearance of immorality, or that could be considered "foreplay." I, personally, would strongly advise a couple to not go beyond holding hands, hugging, and light kissing before marriage. The more a married couple has to share exclusively between themselves, the more special and unique the sexual relationship in a marriage becomes.
Single Christian Dating Advice and Tips
Church Is For God, Not DatingThe best single Christian dating advice may be to try finding someone at your church, but it shouldn’t be your primary focus. Get involved with other singles and meet new people while remembering that you are there to worship, serve and learn. If you feel plugged in at your church, don’t go church shopping just because you haven’t met someone yet.
Pray About Finding SomeoneDon’t forget to pray that God will bring someone into your life. Ask that who, and the timing, be God’s will instead of your own.
Have FunSometimes it’s so easy to get caught up in despair when you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Take advantage of being single by doing things you enjoy and don’t think about being alone. Someone special will enter your life soon enough.
Consider People of Other DenominationsDon’t limit yourself to people who identify with your denomination. Someone from other denominations may have more in common with you spiritually than you realize.
Use Online Dating ServicesFinding other single Christians online is a great way to begin dating. Use either web sites that specialize in Christian dating or that allow you to search for members who identify themselves as Christians.
Single Christian Dating Advice: Dating Non-ChristiansBeing involved with someone who doesn’t share your faith will make it difficult to have a fully intimate relationship. It can be tempting to start dating a non-Christian in the hopes that they will begin to share your faith over time. Needing or wanting someone to change is a lot to ask—and accomplish—so consider this before becoming too involved emotionally with a non-Christian.
Discuss Physical BoundariesOnce your relationship starts being physical with hugging, hand-holding and kissing, discuss with your partner the boundaries that you want to set. If it’s your goal to not have sex before marriage, you will need to communicate this desire to your partner. Ideally this should be done before it becomes difficult to stop.
Be Realistic About IntimacyIts one thing to discuss your physical intimacy limits, but quite another to achieve your goals. Avoid being in situations that will make it difficult to stop what you are doing physically.
Attend Worship TogetherIt may seem like obvious advice, but attend worship service together with the person you are dating. You’ll start a habit that will carry forward into marriage and it will feel great to sit next to someone you care about.
Don’t Rush Into MarriageChristians often feel pressure to get married, whether it’s because of abstaining from sex or feeling isolated in the church as a single person. Marriage is a serious commitment, however, so don’t rush to tie the knot. At the moment it may feel like you’ll be single forever, but a wedding—and the honeymoon—will come sooner than you think. Enjoy dating and getting to know someone without putting too much pressure on yourself.
Discuss Spiritual MattersJust because you met at church or on a Christian dating web site, it doesn’t mean you are compatible spiritually. Talk about your faith with each other and discover what you have in common and whether you have different viewpoints.
Seek Advice from a MinisterIf you have different spiritual viewpoints than your partner, seek the advice of a minister on how to handle those differences. Don’t automatically assume that because you have differing opinions that a relationship will not work. A minister is also a good source for other single Christian dating advice.
More than Just Spiritually CompatibleWhile being spiritually compatible is important, but there are many other dimensions to being very compatible with someone. Use your spiritual togetherness as a starting point for discovering other ways you are compatible.
Safety FirstUse common sense when going out on a date for the first time. Someone you meet at church is not likely to hurt you, but don’t provide anyone the opportunity. Play it safe until you get to know him or her better. Consider going out on a group date with other single Christians before dating alone.
http://www.adviceopedia.org/Single_Christian_Dating_Advice
Pray About Finding SomeoneDon’t forget to pray that God will bring someone into your life. Ask that who, and the timing, be God’s will instead of your own.
Have FunSometimes it’s so easy to get caught up in despair when you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Take advantage of being single by doing things you enjoy and don’t think about being alone. Someone special will enter your life soon enough.
Consider People of Other DenominationsDon’t limit yourself to people who identify with your denomination. Someone from other denominations may have more in common with you spiritually than you realize.
Use Online Dating ServicesFinding other single Christians online is a great way to begin dating. Use either web sites that specialize in Christian dating or that allow you to search for members who identify themselves as Christians.
Single Christian Dating Advice: Dating Non-ChristiansBeing involved with someone who doesn’t share your faith will make it difficult to have a fully intimate relationship. It can be tempting to start dating a non-Christian in the hopes that they will begin to share your faith over time. Needing or wanting someone to change is a lot to ask—and accomplish—so consider this before becoming too involved emotionally with a non-Christian.
Discuss Physical BoundariesOnce your relationship starts being physical with hugging, hand-holding and kissing, discuss with your partner the boundaries that you want to set. If it’s your goal to not have sex before marriage, you will need to communicate this desire to your partner. Ideally this should be done before it becomes difficult to stop.
Be Realistic About IntimacyIts one thing to discuss your physical intimacy limits, but quite another to achieve your goals. Avoid being in situations that will make it difficult to stop what you are doing physically.
Attend Worship TogetherIt may seem like obvious advice, but attend worship service together with the person you are dating. You’ll start a habit that will carry forward into marriage and it will feel great to sit next to someone you care about.
Don’t Rush Into MarriageChristians often feel pressure to get married, whether it’s because of abstaining from sex or feeling isolated in the church as a single person. Marriage is a serious commitment, however, so don’t rush to tie the knot. At the moment it may feel like you’ll be single forever, but a wedding—and the honeymoon—will come sooner than you think. Enjoy dating and getting to know someone without putting too much pressure on yourself.
Discuss Spiritual MattersJust because you met at church or on a Christian dating web site, it doesn’t mean you are compatible spiritually. Talk about your faith with each other and discover what you have in common and whether you have different viewpoints.
Seek Advice from a MinisterIf you have different spiritual viewpoints than your partner, seek the advice of a minister on how to handle those differences. Don’t automatically assume that because you have differing opinions that a relationship will not work. A minister is also a good source for other single Christian dating advice.
More than Just Spiritually CompatibleWhile being spiritually compatible is important, but there are many other dimensions to being very compatible with someone. Use your spiritual togetherness as a starting point for discovering other ways you are compatible.
Safety FirstUse common sense when going out on a date for the first time. Someone you meet at church is not likely to hurt you, but don’t provide anyone the opportunity. Play it safe until you get to know him or her better. Consider going out on a group date with other single Christians before dating alone.
http://www.adviceopedia.org/Single_Christian_Dating_Advice
How Far is Too Far? Physical Boundaries in Dating
Not many Christians debate God's instructions against premarital sex. However, there is still not a consensus or a shared understanding regarding what constitutes acceptable physical affection and what is sinful. The Bible uses words like adultery, fornication, lust, and purity, all words that have very clear meanings. Yet many Christian singles, teens, and even parents remain confused. Many Christian singles and teens struggle to maintain sexual purity while abstaining from sexual intercourse, yet many are engaging in sexual acts. They deceive themselves by legalistically reasoning they haven't violated God's boundaries because they haven't technically had sex. While the Bible does not appear to clarify exactly what other acts for singles are and are not acceptable in God's eyes, it is very clear about the guidelines we are meant to judge these acts by.
When asked by young couples, “how far is too far?” I generally ask them to search their hearts and examine what their intention and motivation in asking is. Usually a couple who asks “how far,” is also struggling to maintain sexual purity. Those struggling with sexual purity or addictions are in the habit of pushing limits and boundaries. They want to know what is the maximum they can get away with. They look for loopholes in attempts to satisfy the desire for immediate self gratification. The Bible warns us about being deceived and worshiping idols (Deut 11:16; Exo 20:14), and sex can be an idol to those who struggle to maintain purity. Scripture also tells us that God sees what truly is in our hearts and we will sow what we reap (Gal 6:7). If you have ever asked “how far,” and have patterns of pushing limits, it is likely you are not truly interested in purity and really want to get away with as much physical affection as possible. When you put it that way it seems silly to consider the technicality of sin. If you discover your motive is to selfishly seek your own physical gratification, instead refocus on what is pure (Phi 4:8).
When you flirt with sin, you put yourself in a position to sin. To answer the question more directly, anything that causes you to sin is “too far.” This is probably the best litmus test for determining limits since the Bible doesn't tell couples specifically how they can show physical affection, at least in not in the manner many look for. There are several scriptural examples of expressing affection through treasuring chastity and virtue and abstaining from sexual immorality (Isa 62:5; 2Col 11:2), a counter-cultural perspective in most increasingly permissive/promiscuous societies. Jesus models surrendering personal desires to the Father (Luk 22:42), and encourages us to ask for God's intervention in maintaining victory over sin in The Lord's Prayer ( Luk 11:4). If you are willfully sustaining a desire that cannot be righteously met, you are deceiving yourself (1Thess 4:3-8). Determining limits may be a little different for different couples, but be cautioned against any propensity to justify pushing limits. If you get excited to the point you struggle with lustful thoughts or fantasies from kissing, or if you have difficulty respecting boundaries (yours or hers), you may not be able to handle more. Consider then abstaining from kissing or other applicable act. Some may not struggle with kissing and will need to set limits accordingly. I suggest also abstaining from any physical activity or show of affection that you are not comfortable doing in front of her father. There are several genuine and appropriate displays of affection that pass this test.
It is important that couples talk about setting physical limits early in their relationship. We live in a backwards culture where single men often push women to/beyond their sexual limit. This is not what God intends or requires of us in marriage, so it certainly cannot be condoned in dating. Men are to cherish and protect their wives, not take advantage of them for their own pleasure.
Ephesians 5:25-28 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Col 3:1919Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
Just as a father is to protect the innocence of his daughter, so are we to protect and respect any woman we are in a dating relationship with. Sexual desire for her is not bad, but respecting her virtue means protecting her from these desires (yours or her). Men, it is up to you to initiate this conversation and establishing boundaries. This may be the very first act you exhibit of spiritual leadership in a budding relationship. Any potential spouse who is worth spending your life with will respect your integrity because they will feel safe and cherished. Two scripture verses that are helpful in maintaining focus on purity are:
(2Ti 2:22) Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (Phi 4:8) Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Be encouraged by the peace God promises those that live pure and virtuous lives (Son 8:10).
http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Far-is-Too-Far?-Physical-Boundaries-in-Dating&id=95665
When asked by young couples, “how far is too far?” I generally ask them to search their hearts and examine what their intention and motivation in asking is. Usually a couple who asks “how far,” is also struggling to maintain sexual purity. Those struggling with sexual purity or addictions are in the habit of pushing limits and boundaries. They want to know what is the maximum they can get away with. They look for loopholes in attempts to satisfy the desire for immediate self gratification. The Bible warns us about being deceived and worshiping idols (Deut 11:16; Exo 20:14), and sex can be an idol to those who struggle to maintain purity. Scripture also tells us that God sees what truly is in our hearts and we will sow what we reap (Gal 6:7). If you have ever asked “how far,” and have patterns of pushing limits, it is likely you are not truly interested in purity and really want to get away with as much physical affection as possible. When you put it that way it seems silly to consider the technicality of sin. If you discover your motive is to selfishly seek your own physical gratification, instead refocus on what is pure (Phi 4:8).
When you flirt with sin, you put yourself in a position to sin. To answer the question more directly, anything that causes you to sin is “too far.” This is probably the best litmus test for determining limits since the Bible doesn't tell couples specifically how they can show physical affection, at least in not in the manner many look for. There are several scriptural examples of expressing affection through treasuring chastity and virtue and abstaining from sexual immorality (Isa 62:5; 2Col 11:2), a counter-cultural perspective in most increasingly permissive/promiscuous societies. Jesus models surrendering personal desires to the Father (Luk 22:42), and encourages us to ask for God's intervention in maintaining victory over sin in The Lord's Prayer ( Luk 11:4). If you are willfully sustaining a desire that cannot be righteously met, you are deceiving yourself (1Thess 4:3-8). Determining limits may be a little different for different couples, but be cautioned against any propensity to justify pushing limits. If you get excited to the point you struggle with lustful thoughts or fantasies from kissing, or if you have difficulty respecting boundaries (yours or hers), you may not be able to handle more. Consider then abstaining from kissing or other applicable act. Some may not struggle with kissing and will need to set limits accordingly. I suggest also abstaining from any physical activity or show of affection that you are not comfortable doing in front of her father. There are several genuine and appropriate displays of affection that pass this test.
It is important that couples talk about setting physical limits early in their relationship. We live in a backwards culture where single men often push women to/beyond their sexual limit. This is not what God intends or requires of us in marriage, so it certainly cannot be condoned in dating. Men are to cherish and protect their wives, not take advantage of them for their own pleasure.
Ephesians 5:25-28 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Col 3:1919Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
Just as a father is to protect the innocence of his daughter, so are we to protect and respect any woman we are in a dating relationship with. Sexual desire for her is not bad, but respecting her virtue means protecting her from these desires (yours or her). Men, it is up to you to initiate this conversation and establishing boundaries. This may be the very first act you exhibit of spiritual leadership in a budding relationship. Any potential spouse who is worth spending your life with will respect your integrity because they will feel safe and cherished. Two scripture verses that are helpful in maintaining focus on purity are:
(2Ti 2:22) Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (Phi 4:8) Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Be encouraged by the peace God promises those that live pure and virtuous lives (Son 8:10).
http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Far-is-Too-Far?-Physical-Boundaries-in-Dating&id=95665
Christian Dating Advice
For many single people, Christian dating advice can provide helpful guidelines for meeting others with similar beliefs and values. Relevant information can be found through several different venues. Of course, the internet is a great place to begin. Multiple sites have informative articles on this topic. But a few that present themselves as a legitimate source of advice are in reality making mockery of Christians' high standards for purity in relationships. Some online dating/matchmaking services truly are dedicated to matching up Christians with similar personality traits, interests, and hobbies. Individuals will need to use good judgment in deciding which ones are legitimate and which ones are scams in disguise. Additional resources can be found in Christian bookstores which often have a section devoted to singles. Some of these books will promote the gift of singleness. The authors of these books may share their own experiences as a single person and encourage others to embrace the single status as an opportunity for ministry. Other authors share expertise by providing Christian dating advice to both men and women. Some of the tips are general and apply to both genders, but some resources are gender-specific.
God created men and women with obvious physical differences, but there are also emotional and mental differences. Women feel differently and think differently than men do; these differences are part of God's plan and should be respected as such. The opposite is also true. Women need to respect how men feel and think differently than they do. God established the family as the first institution so it's no surprise that people long to find that special someone to marry. Finding that individual is often easier said than done, however. The search for a lifetime partner needs to begin with prayer for God's blessing and discernment in following His will for one's life. The Bible provides a foundation for gaining needed wisdom in this area. For example, Christians strive to honor God in all aspects of their lives and this is especially important in personal relationships. The best Christian dating advice begins with understanding God's principles for living. Paul wrote to the believers in Corinth: "Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are" (1 Corinthians 3:16-17). Because we are God's temple, we have a responsibility to honor God. The most important way to demonstrate godly honor is to abstain from physical intimacy outside of a marriage relationship.
The desire to honor God can be hindered when a couple isn't careful about setting specific boundaries within the relationship. Specific Christian dating advice addresses this issue and provides ideas for staying out of situations that could lead to temptation. For example, couples may limit their physical interactions with one another. Some individuals make a personal commitment not to kiss anyone of the opposite gender until their wedding. Others find this type of restriction to be unnecessary. Though people's views on the specifics may vary, the principle is important boundaries need to be set before a dating relationship begins. Individuals should be certain in their own minds what they will and will not do. Because the decision has already been made, it will be easier for a person to stick to that decision should she find herself with someone with lower standards. Double dates and group outings can be fun ways to spend time with other people instead of spending too much time with just one other person. The couple can still be together, but the temptation for intimacy is lessened when other people are around. Couple can look for Christian dating advice to find other activities they can do together that will help them get to know each other while honoring God.
Experts usually caution Christians against recreational and missionary dates. Let's take a brief look at each of these topics. Recreational dates are casual get-togethers with a member of the opposite gender just to spend time together. These two people have no interest in each other as future spouses, but just want to have a good time. Missionary dates occur when a believer goes out with an unbeliever in hopes of converting that person. However, Scripture warns: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14). Experts on Christian dating advice urge believers to only date other believers whom they want to know better with the eventual goal of marriage. Anything less than that may end up in disaster for both the individuals involved and not be in keeping with God's plan for one's life.
Perhaps one of the best ideas when it comes to Christian dating advice is for Christians to use 1 Corinthians 13, commonly known as the "love" or "charity" chapter, as a pattern when seeking people to date. True love is much deeper than physical attraction and should be the cornerstone of a serious relationship that honors God. This type of love respects the other person's individuality and talent while seeking God's will for the future. Single Christians are encouraged to uphold one another in prayer, to respect physical boundaries, and to avoid recreational and missionary dates. Sites offering Christian dating advice or matchmaking services can be excellent resources, but discretion is needed to sift the wheat from the chaff. Singleness shouldn't be seen as a thorn, but as an opportunity for wholeheartedly serving God.
http://www.christianet.com/christiandating/christiandatingadvice.htm
1 Corinthians 13Love 1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
God created men and women with obvious physical differences, but there are also emotional and mental differences. Women feel differently and think differently than men do; these differences are part of God's plan and should be respected as such. The opposite is also true. Women need to respect how men feel and think differently than they do. God established the family as the first institution so it's no surprise that people long to find that special someone to marry. Finding that individual is often easier said than done, however. The search for a lifetime partner needs to begin with prayer for God's blessing and discernment in following His will for one's life. The Bible provides a foundation for gaining needed wisdom in this area. For example, Christians strive to honor God in all aspects of their lives and this is especially important in personal relationships. The best Christian dating advice begins with understanding God's principles for living. Paul wrote to the believers in Corinth: "Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are" (1 Corinthians 3:16-17). Because we are God's temple, we have a responsibility to honor God. The most important way to demonstrate godly honor is to abstain from physical intimacy outside of a marriage relationship.
The desire to honor God can be hindered when a couple isn't careful about setting specific boundaries within the relationship. Specific Christian dating advice addresses this issue and provides ideas for staying out of situations that could lead to temptation. For example, couples may limit their physical interactions with one another. Some individuals make a personal commitment not to kiss anyone of the opposite gender until their wedding. Others find this type of restriction to be unnecessary. Though people's views on the specifics may vary, the principle is important boundaries need to be set before a dating relationship begins. Individuals should be certain in their own minds what they will and will not do. Because the decision has already been made, it will be easier for a person to stick to that decision should she find herself with someone with lower standards. Double dates and group outings can be fun ways to spend time with other people instead of spending too much time with just one other person. The couple can still be together, but the temptation for intimacy is lessened when other people are around. Couple can look for Christian dating advice to find other activities they can do together that will help them get to know each other while honoring God.
Experts usually caution Christians against recreational and missionary dates. Let's take a brief look at each of these topics. Recreational dates are casual get-togethers with a member of the opposite gender just to spend time together. These two people have no interest in each other as future spouses, but just want to have a good time. Missionary dates occur when a believer goes out with an unbeliever in hopes of converting that person. However, Scripture warns: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14). Experts on Christian dating advice urge believers to only date other believers whom they want to know better with the eventual goal of marriage. Anything less than that may end up in disaster for both the individuals involved and not be in keeping with God's plan for one's life.
Perhaps one of the best ideas when it comes to Christian dating advice is for Christians to use 1 Corinthians 13, commonly known as the "love" or "charity" chapter, as a pattern when seeking people to date. True love is much deeper than physical attraction and should be the cornerstone of a serious relationship that honors God. This type of love respects the other person's individuality and talent while seeking God's will for the future. Single Christians are encouraged to uphold one another in prayer, to respect physical boundaries, and to avoid recreational and missionary dates. Sites offering Christian dating advice or matchmaking services can be excellent resources, but discretion is needed to sift the wheat from the chaff. Singleness shouldn't be seen as a thorn, but as an opportunity for wholeheartedly serving God.
http://www.christianet.com/christiandating/christiandatingadvice.htm
1 Corinthians 13Love 1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
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