By Phil Hazlewood , AFP Thu, Sep 3 2009
Treat trips like a second honeymoon.
http://www.relax.com.sg/relax/news/240540/Don%2527t_divorce%252C_.html
MUMBAI– Marriage hit the rocks? Considering a divorce? An Indian tour operator wants warring couples to hold off consulting lawyers and go on holiday instead -- with a relationship counsellor in tow.
KV Tours and Travels, based in the western city of Mumbai, has launched "divorce tourism" packages, designed to get spouses who have fallen out of love to bury the hatchet.
"With divorce tourism, what we're trying to do is to bring together couples who are heading towards divorce to stop them," the company's chief executive Vijesh Thakker told AFP.
India, where marriage is still viewed as the bedrock of society, has traditionally had one of the world's lowest divorce rates. Only about one in 100 marriages fail, compared with one in two in the United States.
But the divorce rate is rising, particularly in India's big cities.
"In metropolitan areas like New Delhi, Mumbai, Bangalore and Chennai, where higher income people are residing, divorce is becoming quite common," Hasan Anzar, a partner at New Delhi firm ANZ Lawz, told AFP.
"You can definitely say that cases of family law are rising and it's happening with all lawyers."
Reasons for the rise include the greater empowerment of women in urban India through better education and employment, which has changed their aspirations in life and given them financial independence, said Anzar.
Others are interference from in-laws, many of whom live with married couples in the joint family structure, or imported ideas of "love marriages", as opposed to ones arranged by families along social, religious or caste lines.
In a sign of the phenomenon, ANZ Lawz runs an Internet-based subsidiary called divorcelawyers.co.in, which bills itself as "India's first exclusive divorce law firm".
Elsewhere, websites like secondshaadi.com offer online dating services to divorcees and widows, who until recently were widely ostracised by conservative society. Shaadi is the Hindi word for wedding.
Thakker said couples at loggerheads are likely to be unwilling to spend cash on each other, so is instead targeting family members who want to save a failing marriage -- often to save family honour -- to foot the bill.
He said he had had half a dozen enquiries shortly after launching last month and was hoping for more.
Different packages are available, from week-long stays in hill station resorts costing about 35,000 rupees (720 dollars) to more expensive foreign destinations.
"We're trying to send them where they have not been before, where there are not many people -- and no relatives," said Thakker.
Experienced marriage counsellors, whose costs are paid through deals made with hoteliers and travel agents, will accompany the husbands and wives, encouraging them to patch up their differences and make a fresh start.
Thakker, a 40-year-old father of two sons and "happily married for 18 years", reckons a seven-day trip is enough to determine a couple's future.
Anzar suggested that the concept might work because of the continuing social stigma of divorce in certain sections of Indian society and the wider significance here of marriage as a union of families, not just individuals.
Rhea Pravin Tembhekar, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who runs a counselling centre in Mumbai, said she was intrigued by the concept.
"If you're fighting about trivial things, like time management or in-laws issues -- 'my mother, your mother, my money, your money, etcetera' -- maybe a holiday might work," she told AFP.
"But sometimes the issues are very critical, like domestic violence. You can't go on holiday and resolve that."
The unusual package comes as the Indian tourism sector suffers a downturn due to the continued effects of the global economic crisis. Overseas visitors also fell after last November's militant attacks on Mumbai.
Thakker, who hit on the concept after seeing a friend go through a divorce 18 months ago, said innovation was the key to helping boost tourist numbers.
"People are ready to accept new concepts," he said.
"Nowadays divorce rates are rising, so we need to sort it out. It's a good thing we're doing. And we're helping domestic and international governments by promoting tourism."
"We're not destiny changers," he admitted, but added: "We want them to treat the trip like a second honeymoon."
-AFP
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
What a soul tie is...
http://www.greatbiblestudy.com/soulties.php
The Bible speaks of what is today known as soul ties. In the Bible, it doesn't use the word soul tie, but it speaks of them when it talks about souls being knit together, becoming one flesh, etc. A soul tie can serve many functions, but in it's simplest form, it ties two souls together in the spiritual realm. Soul ties between married couples draw them together like magnets, while soul ties between fornicators can draw a beaten and abused woman to the man which in the natural realm she would hate and run from, but instead she runs to him even though he doesn't love her, and treats her like dirt. In the demonic world, unholy soul ties can serve as bridges between two people to pass demonic garbage through. I helped a young man not too long ago break free from downright awful visitations from demons, all due to an ungodly soul tie he had with a witch. The man was a Christian, and the only thing that allowed her to send demonic torment his way, is through the soul tie. Other soul ties can do things such as allow one person to manipulate and control another person, and the other person is unaware to what is going on or knows what is going on, but for no real reason, allows it to continue.
How soul ties are formed
I believe there are other ways which soul ties are formed, but here are some that I am aware of.
Sexual relations: Godly soul ties are formed when a couple are married (Ephesians 5:31, "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh."), and the Godly soul tie between a husband and the wife that God intended him to have is unbreakable by man (Mark 10:7-9). However, when a person has ungodly sexual relations with another person, an ungodly soul tie is then formed (1 Corinthians 6:16, "What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh."). This soul tie fragments the soul, and is destructive. People who have many past relationships find it very difficult to 'bond' or be joined to anybody, because their soul is fragmented.
Close relationships: King David and Jonathan had a good soul tie as a result of a good friendship (1 Samuel 18:1, "And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."), but bad soul ties can form from bad relationships as well. Idolizing somebody can cause a bad soul tie.
I have heard too that you can create a soul tie with a rock group by becoming obsessed with their music. Which explains the strong pull towards certain music that seems almost irresistible.
Vows, commitments and agreements: Vows are known to bind the soul (Numbers 30:2), marriage itself consists of vows and binds the two people together (Ephesians 5:31), therefore I have little reason to overlook the concept of vows or commitments as being a means to create a soul tie.
How to break a soul tie
1. If any sins were committed to cause this soul tie, repent of them! Fornication is perhaps one of the most common ways to create nasty soul ties.
2. If gifts were given to you by the other person in connection with the sin or unholy relationship, such as rings, flowers, cards, bras, etc. I would get rid of them! Such things symbolize the ungodly relationship, and can hold a soul tie in place. If you are still friends or in a relationship (just now it's no longer an ungodly relationship), like say a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, except you've repented of and forsaken the unholy practices you used to do in your relationship, then I don't feel it is necessary to destroy all the gifts and things that you have been given. I would still encourage you to get rid of anything that symbolizes the ungodly practices in the relationship though, such as if a guy gives a girl a bra and panties with his initials on them during fornication. I wouldn't encourage you to hang on to such things that symbolize sin or that are wrong to give each other before marriage. Things such as flowers and love letters given during an adultery should be destroyed.
3. Any rash vows or commitments made that played a part in forming the soul tie should be renounced and repented of, and broken in Jesus' name. Even things like "I will love you forever", or "I could never love another man!" need to be renounced. They are spoken commitments that need to be undone verbally. As Proverbs 21:23 tells us, "Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles." The tongue has the ability to bring the soul great troubles and bondage.
4. Forgive that person if you have anything against them.
5. Renounce the soul tie. Do this verbally, and in Jesus' name. Example, "In Jesus' name, I now renounce any ungodly soul ties formed between myself and ______ as a result of _______________ (fornication, etc.)."
6. Break the soul tie in Jesus' name! Do this verbally using your authority in Jesus. Example, "I now break and sever any ungodly soul ties formed between myself and _________ as a result of ______________ (fornication, etc.) in Jesus' name."
Dangers of fornication and adultery
Sexual play (intercourse, oral, etc.) is supposed to be for marriage. Whether or not you're a Christian, it's wise to keep this rule. It not only opens a person up to diseases and curses such as HIV, but it also creates unholy soul ties (spiritual bondage between one person and another), which can cause unclean (demonic) bondages to transfer from one person to the other.
Brief Biblical look at soul ties
1 Corinthians 6:16, "What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh."
Obviously the two didn't get married, but something spiritual "happened" when they were joined physically in the act of sex. They were "joined"; their souls were "tied." Often there are men who have an adultery with a prostitute (one night stand), and afterwards, even years later, are still thinking about that girl! That is because a soul tie has been created.
Dangers of unholy soul ties
Unholy soul ties can be 'demonic bridges' between one person to the next. For example, if you were to have extra-martial sex with somebody who was involved in the occult and had horrible fears of demons, and was afraid of her own shadow.. you could end up with the same kind of tormenting spirits as she has, and be just as fearful (although you could have been afraid of nothing before sleeping with her!). This is because you are not only opening yourself up to a curse for sexual sin, but also a soul tie with a person who is tormented ```````by demons.
Don't think to yourself that the person you are having sex with is clean from demon spirits. Demons spirits can cause everything from depression to horrible fears (panic attacks, etc.) and a huge list of problems that people face everyday!
Struggle against compulsive lustful desires?
If you have a compulsive struggle with lust, bad thoughts, etc., you may be struggling with what they call an iniquity. An iniquity is like a weakness (lust, anger, pride, etc.) and it could have been handed down from your ancestors (Exodus 20:5) or it could have been opened up in your own life (Lev 5:17).
You might want to check out a book titled Breaking Generational Curses & Pulling Down Strongholds by Vito Rallo. It's a real eye opener to how these iniquities get started, how they operate, and how to go about breaking yourself off from them.
http://www.newwineonline.com/files/pdf/publications/newwineUST.pdf
http://www.divorcehope.com/breakingasoultie.htm
http://ministeringdeliverance.com/soul_ties.php
The Bible speaks of what is today known as soul ties. In the Bible, it doesn't use the word soul tie, but it speaks of them when it talks about souls being knit together, becoming one flesh, etc. A soul tie can serve many functions, but in it's simplest form, it ties two souls together in the spiritual realm. Soul ties between married couples draw them together like magnets, while soul ties between fornicators can draw a beaten and abused woman to the man which in the natural realm she would hate and run from, but instead she runs to him even though he doesn't love her, and treats her like dirt. In the demonic world, unholy soul ties can serve as bridges between two people to pass demonic garbage through. I helped a young man not too long ago break free from downright awful visitations from demons, all due to an ungodly soul tie he had with a witch. The man was a Christian, and the only thing that allowed her to send demonic torment his way, is through the soul tie. Other soul ties can do things such as allow one person to manipulate and control another person, and the other person is unaware to what is going on or knows what is going on, but for no real reason, allows it to continue.
How soul ties are formed
I believe there are other ways which soul ties are formed, but here are some that I am aware of.
Sexual relations: Godly soul ties are formed when a couple are married (Ephesians 5:31, "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh."), and the Godly soul tie between a husband and the wife that God intended him to have is unbreakable by man (Mark 10:7-9). However, when a person has ungodly sexual relations with another person, an ungodly soul tie is then formed (1 Corinthians 6:16, "What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh."). This soul tie fragments the soul, and is destructive. People who have many past relationships find it very difficult to 'bond' or be joined to anybody, because their soul is fragmented.
Close relationships: King David and Jonathan had a good soul tie as a result of a good friendship (1 Samuel 18:1, "And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."), but bad soul ties can form from bad relationships as well. Idolizing somebody can cause a bad soul tie.
I have heard too that you can create a soul tie with a rock group by becoming obsessed with their music. Which explains the strong pull towards certain music that seems almost irresistible.
Vows, commitments and agreements: Vows are known to bind the soul (Numbers 30:2), marriage itself consists of vows and binds the two people together (Ephesians 5:31), therefore I have little reason to overlook the concept of vows or commitments as being a means to create a soul tie.
How to break a soul tie
1. If any sins were committed to cause this soul tie, repent of them! Fornication is perhaps one of the most common ways to create nasty soul ties.
2. If gifts were given to you by the other person in connection with the sin or unholy relationship, such as rings, flowers, cards, bras, etc. I would get rid of them! Such things symbolize the ungodly relationship, and can hold a soul tie in place. If you are still friends or in a relationship (just now it's no longer an ungodly relationship), like say a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, except you've repented of and forsaken the unholy practices you used to do in your relationship, then I don't feel it is necessary to destroy all the gifts and things that you have been given. I would still encourage you to get rid of anything that symbolizes the ungodly practices in the relationship though, such as if a guy gives a girl a bra and panties with his initials on them during fornication. I wouldn't encourage you to hang on to such things that symbolize sin or that are wrong to give each other before marriage. Things such as flowers and love letters given during an adultery should be destroyed.
3. Any rash vows or commitments made that played a part in forming the soul tie should be renounced and repented of, and broken in Jesus' name. Even things like "I will love you forever", or "I could never love another man!" need to be renounced. They are spoken commitments that need to be undone verbally. As Proverbs 21:23 tells us, "Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles." The tongue has the ability to bring the soul great troubles and bondage.
4. Forgive that person if you have anything against them.
5. Renounce the soul tie. Do this verbally, and in Jesus' name. Example, "In Jesus' name, I now renounce any ungodly soul ties formed between myself and ______ as a result of _______________ (fornication, etc.)."
6. Break the soul tie in Jesus' name! Do this verbally using your authority in Jesus. Example, "I now break and sever any ungodly soul ties formed between myself and _________ as a result of ______________ (fornication, etc.) in Jesus' name."
Dangers of fornication and adultery
Sexual play (intercourse, oral, etc.) is supposed to be for marriage. Whether or not you're a Christian, it's wise to keep this rule. It not only opens a person up to diseases and curses such as HIV, but it also creates unholy soul ties (spiritual bondage between one person and another), which can cause unclean (demonic) bondages to transfer from one person to the other.
Brief Biblical look at soul ties
1 Corinthians 6:16, "What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh."
Obviously the two didn't get married, but something spiritual "happened" when they were joined physically in the act of sex. They were "joined"; their souls were "tied." Often there are men who have an adultery with a prostitute (one night stand), and afterwards, even years later, are still thinking about that girl! That is because a soul tie has been created.
Dangers of unholy soul ties
Unholy soul ties can be 'demonic bridges' between one person to the next. For example, if you were to have extra-martial sex with somebody who was involved in the occult and had horrible fears of demons, and was afraid of her own shadow.. you could end up with the same kind of tormenting spirits as she has, and be just as fearful (although you could have been afraid of nothing before sleeping with her!). This is because you are not only opening yourself up to a curse for sexual sin, but also a soul tie with a person who is tormented ```````by demons.
Don't think to yourself that the person you are having sex with is clean from demon spirits. Demons spirits can cause everything from depression to horrible fears (panic attacks, etc.) and a huge list of problems that people face everyday!
Struggle against compulsive lustful desires?
If you have a compulsive struggle with lust, bad thoughts, etc., you may be struggling with what they call an iniquity. An iniquity is like a weakness (lust, anger, pride, etc.) and it could have been handed down from your ancestors (Exodus 20:5) or it could have been opened up in your own life (Lev 5:17).
You might want to check out a book titled Breaking Generational Curses & Pulling Down Strongholds by Vito Rallo. It's a real eye opener to how these iniquities get started, how they operate, and how to go about breaking yourself off from them.
http://www.newwineonline.com/files/pdf/publications/newwineUST.pdf
http://www.divorcehope.com/breakingasoultie.htm
http://ministeringdeliverance.com/soul_ties.php
Thursday, August 13, 2009
The top 5 needs of men and women
Thu, Aug 13, 2009
Simply Her Magazine
by Justina Tan
A long-lasting happy marriage takes more than just understanding the needs of your spouse; it goes beyond mere acceptance of your spouse’s emotional and physiological makeup and learning to meet his or her needs. After years of counselling married couples, American clinical psychologist and marriage counsellor Willard F. Harley, Jr concluded that the top five needs of men and women fell into 10 categories:
Your top 5 needs
1 Affection Women often associate affection with security, comfort, protection and approval. When a man shows his wife affection, he’s sending subliminal messages to her that he’ll take care of her, stand by her and protect her.
2 Conversations When women have intimate conversations with their spouse, it reassures them and make them feel loved and supported.
3 Honesty and openness A women needs to be able to trust her husband completely. When a man doesn’t maintain an honest, open communication with his wife, he undermines her trust.
4 Financial support Many women marry for the financial security their spouse provides.
5 Family commitment A woman needs her husband to be a good father and to be committed to the family.
His top 5 needs
1 Sexual fulfilment Most women can go without sex for months, but for men, it’s pure torture. In fact, they would probably do it all the time if they had their way.
2 Recreational companionship Even after marriage, couples should make an effort to involve themselves in their spouses’ activities.
3 An attractive spouse A man needs a wife who looks good to him.
4 Domestic support Most men like having domestic chores like cooking and cleaning done for them.
5 Admiration Men want their wives to be proud of them. So when you tell your husband that he’s wonderful, it motivates him to achieve more.
Simply Her Magazine
by Justina Tan
A long-lasting happy marriage takes more than just understanding the needs of your spouse; it goes beyond mere acceptance of your spouse’s emotional and physiological makeup and learning to meet his or her needs. After years of counselling married couples, American clinical psychologist and marriage counsellor Willard F. Harley, Jr concluded that the top five needs of men and women fell into 10 categories:
Your top 5 needs
1 Affection Women often associate affection with security, comfort, protection and approval. When a man shows his wife affection, he’s sending subliminal messages to her that he’ll take care of her, stand by her and protect her.
2 Conversations When women have intimate conversations with their spouse, it reassures them and make them feel loved and supported.
3 Honesty and openness A women needs to be able to trust her husband completely. When a man doesn’t maintain an honest, open communication with his wife, he undermines her trust.
4 Financial support Many women marry for the financial security their spouse provides.
5 Family commitment A woman needs her husband to be a good father and to be committed to the family.
His top 5 needs
1 Sexual fulfilment Most women can go without sex for months, but for men, it’s pure torture. In fact, they would probably do it all the time if they had their way.
2 Recreational companionship Even after marriage, couples should make an effort to involve themselves in their spouses’ activities.
3 An attractive spouse A man needs a wife who looks good to him.
4 Domestic support Most men like having domestic chores like cooking and cleaning done for them.
5 Admiration Men want their wives to be proud of them. So when you tell your husband that he’s wonderful, it motivates him to achieve more.
What Asian men can do to make marriage work
ONE in three marriages breaks up in our country and the problem seems set to deteriorate further.Many of my friends have thrown in the towel and are on their own now, wallowing in the aftermath of their marital woes.
I’ve been told that keeping a marriage going is like running a marathon: You have to put in a lot of effort to maintain the relationship and, just like in a marathon, many feel like giving up once it gets too tiring and painful to carry on.Of course, I also have friends who have perfect marriages.These couples respect each other’s views and rarely quarrel despite their differences.After reading many self-help books on marriage, I realised mthat very few of such books examine the topic from an Asian perspective, even though there are obvious differences between Western and Asian couples.For example, Asian men tend to keep their marital problems to themselves, in contrast to their Western counterparts.This is why many Asian husbands fail to seek counselling when their marriages start breaking apart. Men, when given a choice, would not want to disclose their problems to a stranger.They find it humiliating to do so and some would rather end the marriage than seek help to save it.Despite being married for 16 years, I still constantly look for ways to enhance my marriage. I accept that mine is not a perfect marriage and can never be.In my case, I had a difficult time accepting the changes my wife wrought five years into our marriage. She became ambitious and career minded – very different from the easy-going woman I knew before our marriage.It took me many years to finally accept that she is, in fact, more intelligent and capable than me. That’s quite a blow to the male ego, and a bitter pill indeed for many Asian husbands to swallow!Couples can build stronger bonds only when they do things that they both enjoy.Unfortunately, this is easier said than done, and young couples have an especially hard time as they are sandwiched between the twin obligations of looking after ageing parents and caring for their own kids.Unlike Westerners, we Asians are taught from young not to argue with our parents, and this has harmed our ability to communicate openly with our loved ones.Too often, couples put up with a lot of misgivings before they start talking with one another, by which time, it’s usually too late to save the marriage.So, it is not surprising that young people are beginning to view marriage with disdain and to put it off indefinitely.My wife and I have survived many rough patches in our marriage.Career changes and children have driven deep wedgesinto our relationship. But we’ve worked through the problems and, so far, we are moving along just fine.I hope my experience will serve to remind others that it takes two hands to clap. No marriage is perfect but, with hard work, it can always work. -Mr Gilbert Goh
Thu, Aug 13, 2009my paper
http://divaasia.com/article/4743
I’ve been told that keeping a marriage going is like running a marathon: You have to put in a lot of effort to maintain the relationship and, just like in a marathon, many feel like giving up once it gets too tiring and painful to carry on.Of course, I also have friends who have perfect marriages.These couples respect each other’s views and rarely quarrel despite their differences.After reading many self-help books on marriage, I realised mthat very few of such books examine the topic from an Asian perspective, even though there are obvious differences between Western and Asian couples.For example, Asian men tend to keep their marital problems to themselves, in contrast to their Western counterparts.This is why many Asian husbands fail to seek counselling when their marriages start breaking apart. Men, when given a choice, would not want to disclose their problems to a stranger.They find it humiliating to do so and some would rather end the marriage than seek help to save it.Despite being married for 16 years, I still constantly look for ways to enhance my marriage. I accept that mine is not a perfect marriage and can never be.In my case, I had a difficult time accepting the changes my wife wrought five years into our marriage. She became ambitious and career minded – very different from the easy-going woman I knew before our marriage.It took me many years to finally accept that she is, in fact, more intelligent and capable than me. That’s quite a blow to the male ego, and a bitter pill indeed for many Asian husbands to swallow!Couples can build stronger bonds only when they do things that they both enjoy.Unfortunately, this is easier said than done, and young couples have an especially hard time as they are sandwiched between the twin obligations of looking after ageing parents and caring for their own kids.Unlike Westerners, we Asians are taught from young not to argue with our parents, and this has harmed our ability to communicate openly with our loved ones.Too often, couples put up with a lot of misgivings before they start talking with one another, by which time, it’s usually too late to save the marriage.So, it is not surprising that young people are beginning to view marriage with disdain and to put it off indefinitely.My wife and I have survived many rough patches in our marriage.Career changes and children have driven deep wedgesinto our relationship. But we’ve worked through the problems and, so far, we are moving along just fine.I hope my experience will serve to remind others that it takes two hands to clap. No marriage is perfect but, with hard work, it can always work. -Mr Gilbert Goh
Thu, Aug 13, 2009my paper
http://divaasia.com/article/4743
Monday, August 3, 2009
Love is not enough
http://www.divaasia.com/article/4616
Fun and laughter are clearly the secrets to the happy marriage of 98.7 FM DJ Daniel Ong, 33, and Jamie Teo, 31, Miss Singapore Universe 2001.
Throughout the photoshoot with Urban, both were constantly giggling and teasing each other.
Asked to look into his wife's eyes, Ong said: 'Look into her eyes? What if I fall asleep?'
The couple met on the set of Channel 5 sitcom Mr Kiasu in 2001, in which Ong played Mr Kiasu's brother, Mr Kiasee, and Teo played Mr Kiasu's girlfriend, Ai Swee.
They were friends for five years before tying the knot two years ago in September 2007.
The proposal came spontaneously. Teo was sick and Ong wanted to cheer her up.
'I drove to this road call Jalan Bahagia, which means Happy Road in Malay. We got out of the car, I got down on one knee and proposed,' he recounted.
They decided to mark the moment by buying a house on the same road.
They have since moved into a condominium in Serangoon along with three cats, two birds and 18 fish.
Compromise, they say, is the key to making a relationship work.
'Love alone is not enough. You also have to respect and be kind to each other,' said Ong.
How do you keep the romance alive?
Teo: Dan makes the effort to do things together. He makes sure that we go out instead of stay at home.
Ong: I think being intimate when you are in a public place, like squeezing hands or cuddling, keeps the affection alive.
I still make her my priority. Although work is everything to me, I always set aside part of the day to do stuff with her.
What do you find sexy about each other?
Teo: I love his strong forearms - I feel that he can protect me from any danger and he makes me laugh all the time. Dan is also very nurturing and providing - things like plants and animals flourish under his care.
Ong: I love her smile. She's also got an awesome body. She is always game for adventure and is a very loving person. When I see her carrying our cats or with my nieces and nephews, it makes me want to go over and hug her.
How do you deal with relationship problems?
Teo: Every time we get into a fight, I feel like saying: 'This is it.'
But when we work things out, I will think to myself: 'Did I really want to call it quits?'. I'm glad that we always manage to talk things through.
Ong: Every time we fight, one question always comes to mind: 'Can I do without her?'
The answer is always no.
The most important thing is to talk things through. We agree to disagree and identify the lines that cannot be crossed. Then we try to find a compromise and carry on with life.
What do you guys do together in your spare time?
Teo: I think doing anything together helps a couple to bond. It might be something that you don't really enjoy but your partner does, so you have to put in the effort.
Ong: We do a lot of sports together, such as badminton, table tennis, swimming and wakeboarding.
We like playing card games like poker and tahiti and we can do it for hours - just the two of us over a glass of wine.
This article was first published in Urban, The Straits Times.
Fun and laughter are clearly the secrets to the happy marriage of 98.7 FM DJ Daniel Ong, 33, and Jamie Teo, 31, Miss Singapore Universe 2001.
Throughout the photoshoot with Urban, both were constantly giggling and teasing each other.
Asked to look into his wife's eyes, Ong said: 'Look into her eyes? What if I fall asleep?'
The couple met on the set of Channel 5 sitcom Mr Kiasu in 2001, in which Ong played Mr Kiasu's brother, Mr Kiasee, and Teo played Mr Kiasu's girlfriend, Ai Swee.
They were friends for five years before tying the knot two years ago in September 2007.
The proposal came spontaneously. Teo was sick and Ong wanted to cheer her up.
'I drove to this road call Jalan Bahagia, which means Happy Road in Malay. We got out of the car, I got down on one knee and proposed,' he recounted.
They decided to mark the moment by buying a house on the same road.
They have since moved into a condominium in Serangoon along with three cats, two birds and 18 fish.
Compromise, they say, is the key to making a relationship work.
'Love alone is not enough. You also have to respect and be kind to each other,' said Ong.
How do you keep the romance alive?
Teo: Dan makes the effort to do things together. He makes sure that we go out instead of stay at home.
Ong: I think being intimate when you are in a public place, like squeezing hands or cuddling, keeps the affection alive.
I still make her my priority. Although work is everything to me, I always set aside part of the day to do stuff with her.
What do you find sexy about each other?
Teo: I love his strong forearms - I feel that he can protect me from any danger and he makes me laugh all the time. Dan is also very nurturing and providing - things like plants and animals flourish under his care.
Ong: I love her smile. She's also got an awesome body. She is always game for adventure and is a very loving person. When I see her carrying our cats or with my nieces and nephews, it makes me want to go over and hug her.
How do you deal with relationship problems?
Teo: Every time we get into a fight, I feel like saying: 'This is it.'
But when we work things out, I will think to myself: 'Did I really want to call it quits?'. I'm glad that we always manage to talk things through.
Ong: Every time we fight, one question always comes to mind: 'Can I do without her?'
The answer is always no.
The most important thing is to talk things through. We agree to disagree and identify the lines that cannot be crossed. Then we try to find a compromise and carry on with life.
What do you guys do together in your spare time?
Teo: I think doing anything together helps a couple to bond. It might be something that you don't really enjoy but your partner does, so you have to put in the effort.
Ong: We do a lot of sports together, such as badminton, table tennis, swimming and wakeboarding.
We like playing card games like poker and tahiti and we can do it for hours - just the two of us over a glass of wine.
This article was first published in Urban, The Straits Times.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Parking Rates in Car Parks - Orchard Area
Rates published are correct at time of printing. Updated June 2009.
document.title = "ONE.MOTORING - Orchard Area Rates";
Parking Rates in Car Parks - Orchard Area
http://www.onemotoring.com.sg/publish/onemotoring/en/on_the_roads/parking/parking_rates/parking_rates.html?strCategory=1&TextBlock=Orchard%20Area%20Rates
document.title = "ONE.MOTORING - Orchard Area Rates";
Parking Rates in Car Parks - Orchard Area
http://www.onemotoring.com.sg/publish/onemotoring/en/on_the_roads/parking/parking_rates/parking_rates.html?strCategory=1&TextBlock=Orchard%20Area%20Rates
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Dating 101: Five Things Super-Happy Couples Do Every Day
Daily Habit #1: Talk to Each Other
Happily married couples typically say their relationships work better when they can sit down and gab one-on-one, like thinking, feeling adults. But who's got time for that? Actually, anybody who sleeps at night, if you follow the lead of Julie and Thom and their nightly visits to their "igloo."
"It all started one winter night years ago, when Julie had had a really bad day," says Thom, 33, a marketing director in Columbus, Ohio. "We were huddled under the covers of our bed, and Julie was describing how all the people who made her day miserable were 'bad polar bears' and how she didn't want any of the bad polar bears coming into the bedroom and how the bed was our refuge from them. You realize how embarrassing it is to admit this, right? Anyway, that's when we started calling the bed the igloo."
"The igloo is a place to retreat to," says Julie, 31. "It's our little sanctuary; only nice things happen in the igloo."
Eventually Julie and Thom began holding a powwow in the igloo at the end of every day, making a nightly excursion that Julie says has become a vital part of their five-year relationship.
"It's funny, because I always thought that when you lived with somebody, you'd automatically know everything that was going on," she says. "But we find that if we don't take that time to connect with each other, it's really easy for life to get in the way. The igloo offers one of the few times in the day where there's not a whole heck of a lot else going on, so you're able to focus on each other in a deeper way.
"Daily Habit #2: Flirt
Most couples realize that getting intimate every night isn't possible, let alone a worthy goal. Indeed, a 1994 University of Chicago survey of Americans' physical intimacy habits found that only about a third of adults have physical intimacy more than once a week.
That doesn't mean, though, that you can't at least talk sensually every day, and that's the approach that Ed and Stephanie have taken in the more than six years they've been together.
"It's funny," says Ed, a 33-year-old San Francisco cab driver, "because we know plenty of couples who fight, a lot, about how often they have physical intimacy. The wife's upset because all he ever wants to do is get intimate. But this has never really been a problem with us, and I think it has a lot do with the fact that we're always talking sensually to each other."
"Absolutely," says Stephanie, a 32-year-old massage therapist. "We're always complimenting each other, tossing out fantasies, telling each other we're appealing. He gets to feel like he can have sensual feelings, and I feel like I don't have to have physical intimacy all the time to appear attractive.
Let's put it this way: The way I see it, physical intimacy is like chocolate cake. After five days of eating chocolate cake, even chocolate cake doesn't taste that great."
"Right," Ed says, "but after five days of talking about chocolate cake, that cake tastes really good.
"Daily Habit #3: Get Stupid Together
Bob and Angie are ashamed to admit that the daily ritual that brings such joy to their 12-year marriage is none other than reality TV. That's right. They lived and died with "Survivor." They've adopted "Big Brother." "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" They do.
"Honestly, I think we just need to be dumb for a while," says Bob, 37, a shoe designer for Reebok in Boston. "We're both very into our careers. And when you're at work, with any job there's going to be a certain amount of professional stress. You like to come home sometimes and, for that lousy hour or whatever, kick back and relax."
Or as Angie, 36, a marketing executive, says, "Life is serious enough, isn't it? Sometimes you need to do something stupid. And if you can't be stupid with your husband, who can you be stupid with?
"Daily Habit #4: Declare Your Independence
So hold on, then: Is domestic joy found in partners smothering each other in obsessive daily rituals?
Hardly. In fact, Tessina says that sleepwalking through a series of hollow routines (although probably an apt description of your day job) is worse for your relationship than having no routines at all. The solution, she says, is to also make a daily habit of getting away from each other.
The point, naturally, is not to make space for each other in that I-can't-wait-to-get-away-from-you sort of way but to pursue your own hobbies and interests. It's a distinction that Joe tried hard to make to Lori during their delicate pre-engagement negotiations four years ago.
These days, Lori and Joe are practically poster children for the power of independence. Joe, who works for a nonprofit agency, spends his nights taking painting classes, building youth centers, and recording his guitar sessions. Lori, a college professor, spends hers directing community-theater musicals and indulging in trashy movies on cable television, a passion that Joe (go figure) doesn't seem to share.
"It all brings a freshness to our relationship because we both continue to grow as people," Joe says.
Daily Habit #5: Share a Spiritual Moment
In another University of Chicago survey, this one of married couples, 75 percent of the Americans who pray with their spouses reported that their marriages are "very happy" (compared to 57 percent of those who don't). Those who pray together are also more likely to say they respect each other and discuss their relationship together.
Not to say that prayer is a cure for all that ails you. But whether they're talking about a simple grace at dinnertime or some soul-searching meditation, couples routinely say that a shared spiritual life helps keep them close. And as Doug and Beth say, even couples who are on different sides of the theological fence can benefit from praying together daily.
"We have been married for seven years, but praying together is something we didn't start doing until about a year ago," says Doug, a 32-year-old Salt Lake City biochemist. "In the past, whenever we faced big decisions, we'd have discussion after discussion about them, but we'd never really come to a resolution."
"I soon found that praying together brings out a real sense of selflessness and humility," Doug says. "When you're praying for each other, not yourself, you're focused together and speaking from the heart on a whole different level. I would never have predicted this for us, but it really works."
"As bad as any problem may seem at that moment," agrees Beth, "prayer always helps us see beyond it. It doesn't have to be a long-drawn-out scripture reading, just a few minutes a day. When we pray, it brings another level of honesty to our conversations. I think it's the most intimate thing you can do with another person."
Now they pray together every night, once the "urchins" are in bed, which puts them in the company of the 32 percent of American married couples who say they pray together regularly. It also puts them in the company of Julie and Thom, when the other couple isn't holed up in their igloo, of course.
"It's pretty short and not at all scripted," says Julie about their giving thanks before each meal. "We just join hands and let it rip. Whether we're asking for forgiveness or giving thanks, saying it out loud holds a lot of power.
"Besides, regardless of religion or spiritual preference, I think that most marriages require a ton of faith," Julie sums up. "You've got to believe that somehow the two of you are going to make it through things. You've got to believe that you're being blessed with this person. And even if the power we feel just comes from the strength of our love, even if we don't believe that it's God who is helping us, I still think that it's good to acknowledge that there's a force between the two of us that's helping us out."Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/24200/dating-101-five-things-super-happy-couples-do-every-day
Happily married couples typically say their relationships work better when they can sit down and gab one-on-one, like thinking, feeling adults. But who's got time for that? Actually, anybody who sleeps at night, if you follow the lead of Julie and Thom and their nightly visits to their "igloo."
"It all started one winter night years ago, when Julie had had a really bad day," says Thom, 33, a marketing director in Columbus, Ohio. "We were huddled under the covers of our bed, and Julie was describing how all the people who made her day miserable were 'bad polar bears' and how she didn't want any of the bad polar bears coming into the bedroom and how the bed was our refuge from them. You realize how embarrassing it is to admit this, right? Anyway, that's when we started calling the bed the igloo."
"The igloo is a place to retreat to," says Julie, 31. "It's our little sanctuary; only nice things happen in the igloo."
Eventually Julie and Thom began holding a powwow in the igloo at the end of every day, making a nightly excursion that Julie says has become a vital part of their five-year relationship.
"It's funny, because I always thought that when you lived with somebody, you'd automatically know everything that was going on," she says. "But we find that if we don't take that time to connect with each other, it's really easy for life to get in the way. The igloo offers one of the few times in the day where there's not a whole heck of a lot else going on, so you're able to focus on each other in a deeper way.
"Daily Habit #2: Flirt
Most couples realize that getting intimate every night isn't possible, let alone a worthy goal. Indeed, a 1994 University of Chicago survey of Americans' physical intimacy habits found that only about a third of adults have physical intimacy more than once a week.
That doesn't mean, though, that you can't at least talk sensually every day, and that's the approach that Ed and Stephanie have taken in the more than six years they've been together.
"It's funny," says Ed, a 33-year-old San Francisco cab driver, "because we know plenty of couples who fight, a lot, about how often they have physical intimacy. The wife's upset because all he ever wants to do is get intimate. But this has never really been a problem with us, and I think it has a lot do with the fact that we're always talking sensually to each other."
"Absolutely," says Stephanie, a 32-year-old massage therapist. "We're always complimenting each other, tossing out fantasies, telling each other we're appealing. He gets to feel like he can have sensual feelings, and I feel like I don't have to have physical intimacy all the time to appear attractive.
Let's put it this way: The way I see it, physical intimacy is like chocolate cake. After five days of eating chocolate cake, even chocolate cake doesn't taste that great."
"Right," Ed says, "but after five days of talking about chocolate cake, that cake tastes really good.
"Daily Habit #3: Get Stupid Together
Bob and Angie are ashamed to admit that the daily ritual that brings such joy to their 12-year marriage is none other than reality TV. That's right. They lived and died with "Survivor." They've adopted "Big Brother." "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" They do.
"Honestly, I think we just need to be dumb for a while," says Bob, 37, a shoe designer for Reebok in Boston. "We're both very into our careers. And when you're at work, with any job there's going to be a certain amount of professional stress. You like to come home sometimes and, for that lousy hour or whatever, kick back and relax."
Or as Angie, 36, a marketing executive, says, "Life is serious enough, isn't it? Sometimes you need to do something stupid. And if you can't be stupid with your husband, who can you be stupid with?
"Daily Habit #4: Declare Your Independence
So hold on, then: Is domestic joy found in partners smothering each other in obsessive daily rituals?
Hardly. In fact, Tessina says that sleepwalking through a series of hollow routines (although probably an apt description of your day job) is worse for your relationship than having no routines at all. The solution, she says, is to also make a daily habit of getting away from each other.
The point, naturally, is not to make space for each other in that I-can't-wait-to-get-away-from-you sort of way but to pursue your own hobbies and interests. It's a distinction that Joe tried hard to make to Lori during their delicate pre-engagement negotiations four years ago.
These days, Lori and Joe are practically poster children for the power of independence. Joe, who works for a nonprofit agency, spends his nights taking painting classes, building youth centers, and recording his guitar sessions. Lori, a college professor, spends hers directing community-theater musicals and indulging in trashy movies on cable television, a passion that Joe (go figure) doesn't seem to share.
"It all brings a freshness to our relationship because we both continue to grow as people," Joe says.
Daily Habit #5: Share a Spiritual Moment
In another University of Chicago survey, this one of married couples, 75 percent of the Americans who pray with their spouses reported that their marriages are "very happy" (compared to 57 percent of those who don't). Those who pray together are also more likely to say they respect each other and discuss their relationship together.
Not to say that prayer is a cure for all that ails you. But whether they're talking about a simple grace at dinnertime or some soul-searching meditation, couples routinely say that a shared spiritual life helps keep them close. And as Doug and Beth say, even couples who are on different sides of the theological fence can benefit from praying together daily.
"We have been married for seven years, but praying together is something we didn't start doing until about a year ago," says Doug, a 32-year-old Salt Lake City biochemist. "In the past, whenever we faced big decisions, we'd have discussion after discussion about them, but we'd never really come to a resolution."
"I soon found that praying together brings out a real sense of selflessness and humility," Doug says. "When you're praying for each other, not yourself, you're focused together and speaking from the heart on a whole different level. I would never have predicted this for us, but it really works."
"As bad as any problem may seem at that moment," agrees Beth, "prayer always helps us see beyond it. It doesn't have to be a long-drawn-out scripture reading, just a few minutes a day. When we pray, it brings another level of honesty to our conversations. I think it's the most intimate thing you can do with another person."
Now they pray together every night, once the "urchins" are in bed, which puts them in the company of the 32 percent of American married couples who say they pray together regularly. It also puts them in the company of Julie and Thom, when the other couple isn't holed up in their igloo, of course.
"It's pretty short and not at all scripted," says Julie about their giving thanks before each meal. "We just join hands and let it rip. Whether we're asking for forgiveness or giving thanks, saying it out loud holds a lot of power.
"Besides, regardless of religion or spiritual preference, I think that most marriages require a ton of faith," Julie sums up. "You've got to believe that somehow the two of you are going to make it through things. You've got to believe that you're being blessed with this person. And even if the power we feel just comes from the strength of our love, even if we don't believe that it's God who is helping us, I still think that it's good to acknowledge that there's a force between the two of us that's helping us out."Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/24200/dating-101-five-things-super-happy-couples-do-every-day
Monday, June 29, 2009
Heart Braker
Mon, Jun 29, 2009 Urban,
The Straits Times
Heart braker by Imran Jalal
You have fallen in love and now the Big Day looms. Swoon, your dream wedding. Except that your partner is exhibiting classic signs of cold feet. He is not at all interested in matrimonial activities such as wedding-dinner planning, where to go on your honeymoon and house hunting. A talk about starting a family sees him changing the subject to something completely unrelated, like how many elephants there are left in the world. These are what Ang Thiam Hong, 55, a psychotherapist and marriage counsellor at five-year-old private practice Edora Counselling Services describes as symptoms of 'commitment anxiety'. Most people about to get hitched would admit to some pre-nuptial jitters, but those with commitment anxiety can take this to extremes. Technical officer Mohammad Sufyan, 34, for instance, has broken off three engagements, although he attributes these failed unions to bad luck rather than commitment phobia. He spoke freely and frankly about how he yearned, then spurned, in an intriguing insight into the maverick male mind. The celebrity world, too, has plenty of such examples: Take singer John Mayer, who broke up with actress Jessica Simpson 12 times in nine months. It is, however, not just the guys who get nervy about nuptials - fickle females freak out as well.
WOMEN GET THE JITTERS TOO
There is Runaway Bride star Julia Roberts - in real life, she ditched actor Kiefer Sutherland three days before they were to be wed. Indeed, Ang says: 'I have seen clients (both male and female) become anxious shortly after a marriage proposal is made or the date of their Registry of Marriage or customary marriage is finalised.' While some are indeed serial heartbreakers who date and dump, there are also those who are genuinely attracted to someone but who cannot handle the 'till death do us part' bit. Daniel Koh, 37, a psychologist from Insights Mind Centre, a private practice that offers counselling and therapy services, explains that the Casanova gets his main thrill out of the seduction process. 'It involves manipulation or deception and can be addictive as it is intermittent, which adds to the thrill,' he says. Commitment phobes, on the other hand, crave what they fear the most: love and connection. However, this craving is often curtailed by past failed relationships or marriages, fear of boredom and even self-esteem issues, Koh says. As well as talking to psychologists about commitment phobia, Urban also spoke to The New Paper's relationship columnist, Dr Date, whose real name is David Tian. Tian, 32, who has a doctorate in Asian cultures, was reported to have snagged 30 women in two months. The lecturer, who is divorced and now in a long-term relationship, shares his perspective: 'Thinking about relationships in terms of commitment is precisely the wrong way of going about it.' He adds: 'If you truly enjoy being with another person, you don't have to worry about 'commitment'. 'You won't want to leave that person regardless of any kind of contract.' There is hope, though, for those reluctant to be at one with The One. Commitment phobes can have a long-term relationship if they learn to analyse their fears, says Ang. Then they can get into a situation where they are 'able to make a more well-informed decision they can comfortably live with', he says. Just take George Clooney. He may have broken the hearts of beautiful women from Paris to Los Angeles, but the Hollywood smoothie did manage to overlook mere looks to maintain a relationship for 18 years - with a hairy, snuffling pig. This article was first published in
Urban, The Straits Times.
The Straits Times
Heart braker by Imran Jalal
You have fallen in love and now the Big Day looms. Swoon, your dream wedding. Except that your partner is exhibiting classic signs of cold feet. He is not at all interested in matrimonial activities such as wedding-dinner planning, where to go on your honeymoon and house hunting. A talk about starting a family sees him changing the subject to something completely unrelated, like how many elephants there are left in the world. These are what Ang Thiam Hong, 55, a psychotherapist and marriage counsellor at five-year-old private practice Edora Counselling Services describes as symptoms of 'commitment anxiety'. Most people about to get hitched would admit to some pre-nuptial jitters, but those with commitment anxiety can take this to extremes. Technical officer Mohammad Sufyan, 34, for instance, has broken off three engagements, although he attributes these failed unions to bad luck rather than commitment phobia. He spoke freely and frankly about how he yearned, then spurned, in an intriguing insight into the maverick male mind. The celebrity world, too, has plenty of such examples: Take singer John Mayer, who broke up with actress Jessica Simpson 12 times in nine months. It is, however, not just the guys who get nervy about nuptials - fickle females freak out as well.
WOMEN GET THE JITTERS TOO
There is Runaway Bride star Julia Roberts - in real life, she ditched actor Kiefer Sutherland three days before they were to be wed. Indeed, Ang says: 'I have seen clients (both male and female) become anxious shortly after a marriage proposal is made or the date of their Registry of Marriage or customary marriage is finalised.' While some are indeed serial heartbreakers who date and dump, there are also those who are genuinely attracted to someone but who cannot handle the 'till death do us part' bit. Daniel Koh, 37, a psychologist from Insights Mind Centre, a private practice that offers counselling and therapy services, explains that the Casanova gets his main thrill out of the seduction process. 'It involves manipulation or deception and can be addictive as it is intermittent, which adds to the thrill,' he says. Commitment phobes, on the other hand, crave what they fear the most: love and connection. However, this craving is often curtailed by past failed relationships or marriages, fear of boredom and even self-esteem issues, Koh says. As well as talking to psychologists about commitment phobia, Urban also spoke to The New Paper's relationship columnist, Dr Date, whose real name is David Tian. Tian, 32, who has a doctorate in Asian cultures, was reported to have snagged 30 women in two months. The lecturer, who is divorced and now in a long-term relationship, shares his perspective: 'Thinking about relationships in terms of commitment is precisely the wrong way of going about it.' He adds: 'If you truly enjoy being with another person, you don't have to worry about 'commitment'. 'You won't want to leave that person regardless of any kind of contract.' There is hope, though, for those reluctant to be at one with The One. Commitment phobes can have a long-term relationship if they learn to analyse their fears, says Ang. Then they can get into a situation where they are 'able to make a more well-informed decision they can comfortably live with', he says. Just take George Clooney. He may have broken the hearts of beautiful women from Paris to Los Angeles, but the Hollywood smoothie did manage to overlook mere looks to maintain a relationship for 18 years - with a hairy, snuffling pig. This article was first published in
Urban, The Straits Times.
What does the Bible say about sex before marriage / premarital sex?
http://www.gotquestions.org/sex-before-marriage.htmlQuestion: "What does the Bible say about sex before marriage / premarital sex?"
Answer: Along with all other kinds of sexual immorality, sex before marriage / premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture (Acts 15:20; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13,18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes abstinence before marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, because they all involve having sex with someone you are not married to. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations that God approves of (Hebrews 13:4).
Sex before marriage has become so common for many reasons. Far too often we focus on the “recreation” aspect of sex without recognizing the “re-creation” aspect. Yes, sex is pleasurable. God designed it that way. He wants men and women to enjoy sexual activity (within the confines of marriage). However, the primary purpose of sex is not pleasure, but rather reproduction. God does not outlaw sex before marriage to rob us of pleasure, but to protect us from unwanted pregnancies and children born to parents who do not want them or are not prepared for them. Imagine how much better our world would be if God’s pattern for sex was followed: fewer sexually transmitted diseases, fewer un-wed mothers, fewer unwanted pregnancies, fewer abortions, etc. Abstinence is God’s only policy when it comes to sex before marriage. Abstinence saves lives, protects babies, gives sexual relations the proper value, and most importantly honors God.
Answer: Along with all other kinds of sexual immorality, sex before marriage / premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture (Acts 15:20; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13,18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes abstinence before marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, because they all involve having sex with someone you are not married to. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations that God approves of (Hebrews 13:4).
Sex before marriage has become so common for many reasons. Far too often we focus on the “recreation” aspect of sex without recognizing the “re-creation” aspect. Yes, sex is pleasurable. God designed it that way. He wants men and women to enjoy sexual activity (within the confines of marriage). However, the primary purpose of sex is not pleasure, but rather reproduction. God does not outlaw sex before marriage to rob us of pleasure, but to protect us from unwanted pregnancies and children born to parents who do not want them or are not prepared for them. Imagine how much better our world would be if God’s pattern for sex was followed: fewer sexually transmitted diseases, fewer un-wed mothers, fewer unwanted pregnancies, fewer abortions, etc. Abstinence is God’s only policy when it comes to sex before marriage. Abstinence saves lives, protects babies, gives sexual relations the proper value, and most importantly honors God.
Is it wrong for a couple to live together before marriage?
http://www.gotquestions.org/live-together.htmlQuestion: "Is it wrong for a couple to live together before marriage? Does God have one specific person for you to marry?"
Answer: The answer to this question depends somewhat on what is meant by “living together.” If it means having sexual relations – it is definitely sinful. Premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture along with all other forms of sexual immorality (Acts 15:20; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13,18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes complete abstinence outside of (and before) marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, because they all involve having sex with someone you are not married to.
If "living together" means living in the same house, that is perhaps somewhat of a different issue. Ultimately, there is nothing wrong for a man and a woman to live in the same house – IF there is nothing immoral taking place. However, the problem arises in that there is still the appearance of immorality (1 Thessalonians 5:22; Ephesians 5:3) and it will be a tremendous temptation for immorality. The Bible tells us to flee immorality, not expose ourselves to constant temptations to immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18). Then there is the problem of appearances. A couple that is living together is assumed to be sleeping together – that is just the nature of things. Even though living in the same house is not sinful in and of itself, the appearance of sin is being given. The Bible tells us to avoid the appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22; Ephesians 5:3), to flee from immorality, and not to cause anyone to stumble or be offended. As a result, it is not honoring to God for a couple to live together before marriage.
Answer: The answer to this question depends somewhat on what is meant by “living together.” If it means having sexual relations – it is definitely sinful. Premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture along with all other forms of sexual immorality (Acts 15:20; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13,18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes complete abstinence outside of (and before) marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, because they all involve having sex with someone you are not married to.
If "living together" means living in the same house, that is perhaps somewhat of a different issue. Ultimately, there is nothing wrong for a man and a woman to live in the same house – IF there is nothing immoral taking place. However, the problem arises in that there is still the appearance of immorality (1 Thessalonians 5:22; Ephesians 5:3) and it will be a tremendous temptation for immorality. The Bible tells us to flee immorality, not expose ourselves to constant temptations to immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18). Then there is the problem of appearances. A couple that is living together is assumed to be sleeping together – that is just the nature of things. Even though living in the same house is not sinful in and of itself, the appearance of sin is being given. The Bible tells us to avoid the appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22; Ephesians 5:3), to flee from immorality, and not to cause anyone to stumble or be offended. As a result, it is not honoring to God for a couple to live together before marriage.
What is an appropriate level of intimacy before marriage?
What is an appropriate level of intimacy before marriage?http://www.gotquestions.org/before-marriage.htmlQuestion: "What is an appropriate level of intimacy before marriage?"
Answer: Ephesians 5:3 tells us, "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity...because these are improper for God's holy people." Anything that even "hints" of sexual immorality is inappropriate for a Christian. The Bible does not give us a "list" of what qualifies as a "hint" or tell us specifically what are approved physical activities that a couple can do before they are married. However, just because the Bible does not specifically address the issue - that does not mean God approves of "pre-sexual" activity before marriage. By essence, "foreplay" is designed to get you "ready" for sex. Logically, then, "foreplay" should be restricted to married couples. Anything that can be considered "foreplay" should be avoided until marriage. (There is no need to go into specifics here.)
Any and all sexual activity should be restricted to married couples. What can a pre-married couple do? A pre-married couple should avoid any activity that tempts them toward sex, that gives the appearance of immorality, or that could be considered "foreplay." I, personally, would strongly advise a couple to not go beyond holding hands, hugging, and light kissing before marriage. The more a married couple has to share exclusively between themselves, the more special and unique the sexual relationship in a marriage becomes.
Answer: Ephesians 5:3 tells us, "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity...because these are improper for God's holy people." Anything that even "hints" of sexual immorality is inappropriate for a Christian. The Bible does not give us a "list" of what qualifies as a "hint" or tell us specifically what are approved physical activities that a couple can do before they are married. However, just because the Bible does not specifically address the issue - that does not mean God approves of "pre-sexual" activity before marriage. By essence, "foreplay" is designed to get you "ready" for sex. Logically, then, "foreplay" should be restricted to married couples. Anything that can be considered "foreplay" should be avoided until marriage. (There is no need to go into specifics here.)
Any and all sexual activity should be restricted to married couples. What can a pre-married couple do? A pre-married couple should avoid any activity that tempts them toward sex, that gives the appearance of immorality, or that could be considered "foreplay." I, personally, would strongly advise a couple to not go beyond holding hands, hugging, and light kissing before marriage. The more a married couple has to share exclusively between themselves, the more special and unique the sexual relationship in a marriage becomes.
Single Christian Dating Advice and Tips
Church Is For God, Not DatingThe best single Christian dating advice may be to try finding someone at your church, but it shouldn’t be your primary focus. Get involved with other singles and meet new people while remembering that you are there to worship, serve and learn. If you feel plugged in at your church, don’t go church shopping just because you haven’t met someone yet.
Pray About Finding SomeoneDon’t forget to pray that God will bring someone into your life. Ask that who, and the timing, be God’s will instead of your own.
Have FunSometimes it’s so easy to get caught up in despair when you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Take advantage of being single by doing things you enjoy and don’t think about being alone. Someone special will enter your life soon enough.
Consider People of Other DenominationsDon’t limit yourself to people who identify with your denomination. Someone from other denominations may have more in common with you spiritually than you realize.
Use Online Dating ServicesFinding other single Christians online is a great way to begin dating. Use either web sites that specialize in Christian dating or that allow you to search for members who identify themselves as Christians.
Single Christian Dating Advice: Dating Non-ChristiansBeing involved with someone who doesn’t share your faith will make it difficult to have a fully intimate relationship. It can be tempting to start dating a non-Christian in the hopes that they will begin to share your faith over time. Needing or wanting someone to change is a lot to ask—and accomplish—so consider this before becoming too involved emotionally with a non-Christian.
Discuss Physical BoundariesOnce your relationship starts being physical with hugging, hand-holding and kissing, discuss with your partner the boundaries that you want to set. If it’s your goal to not have sex before marriage, you will need to communicate this desire to your partner. Ideally this should be done before it becomes difficult to stop.
Be Realistic About IntimacyIts one thing to discuss your physical intimacy limits, but quite another to achieve your goals. Avoid being in situations that will make it difficult to stop what you are doing physically.
Attend Worship TogetherIt may seem like obvious advice, but attend worship service together with the person you are dating. You’ll start a habit that will carry forward into marriage and it will feel great to sit next to someone you care about.
Don’t Rush Into MarriageChristians often feel pressure to get married, whether it’s because of abstaining from sex or feeling isolated in the church as a single person. Marriage is a serious commitment, however, so don’t rush to tie the knot. At the moment it may feel like you’ll be single forever, but a wedding—and the honeymoon—will come sooner than you think. Enjoy dating and getting to know someone without putting too much pressure on yourself.
Discuss Spiritual MattersJust because you met at church or on a Christian dating web site, it doesn’t mean you are compatible spiritually. Talk about your faith with each other and discover what you have in common and whether you have different viewpoints.
Seek Advice from a MinisterIf you have different spiritual viewpoints than your partner, seek the advice of a minister on how to handle those differences. Don’t automatically assume that because you have differing opinions that a relationship will not work. A minister is also a good source for other single Christian dating advice.
More than Just Spiritually CompatibleWhile being spiritually compatible is important, but there are many other dimensions to being very compatible with someone. Use your spiritual togetherness as a starting point for discovering other ways you are compatible.
Safety FirstUse common sense when going out on a date for the first time. Someone you meet at church is not likely to hurt you, but don’t provide anyone the opportunity. Play it safe until you get to know him or her better. Consider going out on a group date with other single Christians before dating alone.
http://www.adviceopedia.org/Single_Christian_Dating_Advice
Pray About Finding SomeoneDon’t forget to pray that God will bring someone into your life. Ask that who, and the timing, be God’s will instead of your own.
Have FunSometimes it’s so easy to get caught up in despair when you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Take advantage of being single by doing things you enjoy and don’t think about being alone. Someone special will enter your life soon enough.
Consider People of Other DenominationsDon’t limit yourself to people who identify with your denomination. Someone from other denominations may have more in common with you spiritually than you realize.
Use Online Dating ServicesFinding other single Christians online is a great way to begin dating. Use either web sites that specialize in Christian dating or that allow you to search for members who identify themselves as Christians.
Single Christian Dating Advice: Dating Non-ChristiansBeing involved with someone who doesn’t share your faith will make it difficult to have a fully intimate relationship. It can be tempting to start dating a non-Christian in the hopes that they will begin to share your faith over time. Needing or wanting someone to change is a lot to ask—and accomplish—so consider this before becoming too involved emotionally with a non-Christian.
Discuss Physical BoundariesOnce your relationship starts being physical with hugging, hand-holding and kissing, discuss with your partner the boundaries that you want to set. If it’s your goal to not have sex before marriage, you will need to communicate this desire to your partner. Ideally this should be done before it becomes difficult to stop.
Be Realistic About IntimacyIts one thing to discuss your physical intimacy limits, but quite another to achieve your goals. Avoid being in situations that will make it difficult to stop what you are doing physically.
Attend Worship TogetherIt may seem like obvious advice, but attend worship service together with the person you are dating. You’ll start a habit that will carry forward into marriage and it will feel great to sit next to someone you care about.
Don’t Rush Into MarriageChristians often feel pressure to get married, whether it’s because of abstaining from sex or feeling isolated in the church as a single person. Marriage is a serious commitment, however, so don’t rush to tie the knot. At the moment it may feel like you’ll be single forever, but a wedding—and the honeymoon—will come sooner than you think. Enjoy dating and getting to know someone without putting too much pressure on yourself.
Discuss Spiritual MattersJust because you met at church or on a Christian dating web site, it doesn’t mean you are compatible spiritually. Talk about your faith with each other and discover what you have in common and whether you have different viewpoints.
Seek Advice from a MinisterIf you have different spiritual viewpoints than your partner, seek the advice of a minister on how to handle those differences. Don’t automatically assume that because you have differing opinions that a relationship will not work. A minister is also a good source for other single Christian dating advice.
More than Just Spiritually CompatibleWhile being spiritually compatible is important, but there are many other dimensions to being very compatible with someone. Use your spiritual togetherness as a starting point for discovering other ways you are compatible.
Safety FirstUse common sense when going out on a date for the first time. Someone you meet at church is not likely to hurt you, but don’t provide anyone the opportunity. Play it safe until you get to know him or her better. Consider going out on a group date with other single Christians before dating alone.
http://www.adviceopedia.org/Single_Christian_Dating_Advice
How Far is Too Far? Physical Boundaries in Dating
Not many Christians debate God's instructions against premarital sex. However, there is still not a consensus or a shared understanding regarding what constitutes acceptable physical affection and what is sinful. The Bible uses words like adultery, fornication, lust, and purity, all words that have very clear meanings. Yet many Christian singles, teens, and even parents remain confused. Many Christian singles and teens struggle to maintain sexual purity while abstaining from sexual intercourse, yet many are engaging in sexual acts. They deceive themselves by legalistically reasoning they haven't violated God's boundaries because they haven't technically had sex. While the Bible does not appear to clarify exactly what other acts for singles are and are not acceptable in God's eyes, it is very clear about the guidelines we are meant to judge these acts by.
When asked by young couples, “how far is too far?” I generally ask them to search their hearts and examine what their intention and motivation in asking is. Usually a couple who asks “how far,” is also struggling to maintain sexual purity. Those struggling with sexual purity or addictions are in the habit of pushing limits and boundaries. They want to know what is the maximum they can get away with. They look for loopholes in attempts to satisfy the desire for immediate self gratification. The Bible warns us about being deceived and worshiping idols (Deut 11:16; Exo 20:14), and sex can be an idol to those who struggle to maintain purity. Scripture also tells us that God sees what truly is in our hearts and we will sow what we reap (Gal 6:7). If you have ever asked “how far,” and have patterns of pushing limits, it is likely you are not truly interested in purity and really want to get away with as much physical affection as possible. When you put it that way it seems silly to consider the technicality of sin. If you discover your motive is to selfishly seek your own physical gratification, instead refocus on what is pure (Phi 4:8).
When you flirt with sin, you put yourself in a position to sin. To answer the question more directly, anything that causes you to sin is “too far.” This is probably the best litmus test for determining limits since the Bible doesn't tell couples specifically how they can show physical affection, at least in not in the manner many look for. There are several scriptural examples of expressing affection through treasuring chastity and virtue and abstaining from sexual immorality (Isa 62:5; 2Col 11:2), a counter-cultural perspective in most increasingly permissive/promiscuous societies. Jesus models surrendering personal desires to the Father (Luk 22:42), and encourages us to ask for God's intervention in maintaining victory over sin in The Lord's Prayer ( Luk 11:4). If you are willfully sustaining a desire that cannot be righteously met, you are deceiving yourself (1Thess 4:3-8). Determining limits may be a little different for different couples, but be cautioned against any propensity to justify pushing limits. If you get excited to the point you struggle with lustful thoughts or fantasies from kissing, or if you have difficulty respecting boundaries (yours or hers), you may not be able to handle more. Consider then abstaining from kissing or other applicable act. Some may not struggle with kissing and will need to set limits accordingly. I suggest also abstaining from any physical activity or show of affection that you are not comfortable doing in front of her father. There are several genuine and appropriate displays of affection that pass this test.
It is important that couples talk about setting physical limits early in their relationship. We live in a backwards culture where single men often push women to/beyond their sexual limit. This is not what God intends or requires of us in marriage, so it certainly cannot be condoned in dating. Men are to cherish and protect their wives, not take advantage of them for their own pleasure.
Ephesians 5:25-28 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Col 3:1919Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
Just as a father is to protect the innocence of his daughter, so are we to protect and respect any woman we are in a dating relationship with. Sexual desire for her is not bad, but respecting her virtue means protecting her from these desires (yours or her). Men, it is up to you to initiate this conversation and establishing boundaries. This may be the very first act you exhibit of spiritual leadership in a budding relationship. Any potential spouse who is worth spending your life with will respect your integrity because they will feel safe and cherished. Two scripture verses that are helpful in maintaining focus on purity are:
(2Ti 2:22) Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (Phi 4:8) Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Be encouraged by the peace God promises those that live pure and virtuous lives (Son 8:10).
http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Far-is-Too-Far?-Physical-Boundaries-in-Dating&id=95665
When asked by young couples, “how far is too far?” I generally ask them to search their hearts and examine what their intention and motivation in asking is. Usually a couple who asks “how far,” is also struggling to maintain sexual purity. Those struggling with sexual purity or addictions are in the habit of pushing limits and boundaries. They want to know what is the maximum they can get away with. They look for loopholes in attempts to satisfy the desire for immediate self gratification. The Bible warns us about being deceived and worshiping idols (Deut 11:16; Exo 20:14), and sex can be an idol to those who struggle to maintain purity. Scripture also tells us that God sees what truly is in our hearts and we will sow what we reap (Gal 6:7). If you have ever asked “how far,” and have patterns of pushing limits, it is likely you are not truly interested in purity and really want to get away with as much physical affection as possible. When you put it that way it seems silly to consider the technicality of sin. If you discover your motive is to selfishly seek your own physical gratification, instead refocus on what is pure (Phi 4:8).
When you flirt with sin, you put yourself in a position to sin. To answer the question more directly, anything that causes you to sin is “too far.” This is probably the best litmus test for determining limits since the Bible doesn't tell couples specifically how they can show physical affection, at least in not in the manner many look for. There are several scriptural examples of expressing affection through treasuring chastity and virtue and abstaining from sexual immorality (Isa 62:5; 2Col 11:2), a counter-cultural perspective in most increasingly permissive/promiscuous societies. Jesus models surrendering personal desires to the Father (Luk 22:42), and encourages us to ask for God's intervention in maintaining victory over sin in The Lord's Prayer ( Luk 11:4). If you are willfully sustaining a desire that cannot be righteously met, you are deceiving yourself (1Thess 4:3-8). Determining limits may be a little different for different couples, but be cautioned against any propensity to justify pushing limits. If you get excited to the point you struggle with lustful thoughts or fantasies from kissing, or if you have difficulty respecting boundaries (yours or hers), you may not be able to handle more. Consider then abstaining from kissing or other applicable act. Some may not struggle with kissing and will need to set limits accordingly. I suggest also abstaining from any physical activity or show of affection that you are not comfortable doing in front of her father. There are several genuine and appropriate displays of affection that pass this test.
It is important that couples talk about setting physical limits early in their relationship. We live in a backwards culture where single men often push women to/beyond their sexual limit. This is not what God intends or requires of us in marriage, so it certainly cannot be condoned in dating. Men are to cherish and protect their wives, not take advantage of them for their own pleasure.
Ephesians 5:25-28 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Col 3:1919Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
Just as a father is to protect the innocence of his daughter, so are we to protect and respect any woman we are in a dating relationship with. Sexual desire for her is not bad, but respecting her virtue means protecting her from these desires (yours or her). Men, it is up to you to initiate this conversation and establishing boundaries. This may be the very first act you exhibit of spiritual leadership in a budding relationship. Any potential spouse who is worth spending your life with will respect your integrity because they will feel safe and cherished. Two scripture verses that are helpful in maintaining focus on purity are:
(2Ti 2:22) Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (Phi 4:8) Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Be encouraged by the peace God promises those that live pure and virtuous lives (Son 8:10).
http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Far-is-Too-Far?-Physical-Boundaries-in-Dating&id=95665
Christian Dating Advice
For many single people, Christian dating advice can provide helpful guidelines for meeting others with similar beliefs and values. Relevant information can be found through several different venues. Of course, the internet is a great place to begin. Multiple sites have informative articles on this topic. But a few that present themselves as a legitimate source of advice are in reality making mockery of Christians' high standards for purity in relationships. Some online dating/matchmaking services truly are dedicated to matching up Christians with similar personality traits, interests, and hobbies. Individuals will need to use good judgment in deciding which ones are legitimate and which ones are scams in disguise. Additional resources can be found in Christian bookstores which often have a section devoted to singles. Some of these books will promote the gift of singleness. The authors of these books may share their own experiences as a single person and encourage others to embrace the single status as an opportunity for ministry. Other authors share expertise by providing Christian dating advice to both men and women. Some of the tips are general and apply to both genders, but some resources are gender-specific.
God created men and women with obvious physical differences, but there are also emotional and mental differences. Women feel differently and think differently than men do; these differences are part of God's plan and should be respected as such. The opposite is also true. Women need to respect how men feel and think differently than they do. God established the family as the first institution so it's no surprise that people long to find that special someone to marry. Finding that individual is often easier said than done, however. The search for a lifetime partner needs to begin with prayer for God's blessing and discernment in following His will for one's life. The Bible provides a foundation for gaining needed wisdom in this area. For example, Christians strive to honor God in all aspects of their lives and this is especially important in personal relationships. The best Christian dating advice begins with understanding God's principles for living. Paul wrote to the believers in Corinth: "Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are" (1 Corinthians 3:16-17). Because we are God's temple, we have a responsibility to honor God. The most important way to demonstrate godly honor is to abstain from physical intimacy outside of a marriage relationship.
The desire to honor God can be hindered when a couple isn't careful about setting specific boundaries within the relationship. Specific Christian dating advice addresses this issue and provides ideas for staying out of situations that could lead to temptation. For example, couples may limit their physical interactions with one another. Some individuals make a personal commitment not to kiss anyone of the opposite gender until their wedding. Others find this type of restriction to be unnecessary. Though people's views on the specifics may vary, the principle is important boundaries need to be set before a dating relationship begins. Individuals should be certain in their own minds what they will and will not do. Because the decision has already been made, it will be easier for a person to stick to that decision should she find herself with someone with lower standards. Double dates and group outings can be fun ways to spend time with other people instead of spending too much time with just one other person. The couple can still be together, but the temptation for intimacy is lessened when other people are around. Couple can look for Christian dating advice to find other activities they can do together that will help them get to know each other while honoring God.
Experts usually caution Christians against recreational and missionary dates. Let's take a brief look at each of these topics. Recreational dates are casual get-togethers with a member of the opposite gender just to spend time together. These two people have no interest in each other as future spouses, but just want to have a good time. Missionary dates occur when a believer goes out with an unbeliever in hopes of converting that person. However, Scripture warns: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14). Experts on Christian dating advice urge believers to only date other believers whom they want to know better with the eventual goal of marriage. Anything less than that may end up in disaster for both the individuals involved and not be in keeping with God's plan for one's life.
Perhaps one of the best ideas when it comes to Christian dating advice is for Christians to use 1 Corinthians 13, commonly known as the "love" or "charity" chapter, as a pattern when seeking people to date. True love is much deeper than physical attraction and should be the cornerstone of a serious relationship that honors God. This type of love respects the other person's individuality and talent while seeking God's will for the future. Single Christians are encouraged to uphold one another in prayer, to respect physical boundaries, and to avoid recreational and missionary dates. Sites offering Christian dating advice or matchmaking services can be excellent resources, but discretion is needed to sift the wheat from the chaff. Singleness shouldn't be seen as a thorn, but as an opportunity for wholeheartedly serving God.
http://www.christianet.com/christiandating/christiandatingadvice.htm
1 Corinthians 13Love 1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
God created men and women with obvious physical differences, but there are also emotional and mental differences. Women feel differently and think differently than men do; these differences are part of God's plan and should be respected as such. The opposite is also true. Women need to respect how men feel and think differently than they do. God established the family as the first institution so it's no surprise that people long to find that special someone to marry. Finding that individual is often easier said than done, however. The search for a lifetime partner needs to begin with prayer for God's blessing and discernment in following His will for one's life. The Bible provides a foundation for gaining needed wisdom in this area. For example, Christians strive to honor God in all aspects of their lives and this is especially important in personal relationships. The best Christian dating advice begins with understanding God's principles for living. Paul wrote to the believers in Corinth: "Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are" (1 Corinthians 3:16-17). Because we are God's temple, we have a responsibility to honor God. The most important way to demonstrate godly honor is to abstain from physical intimacy outside of a marriage relationship.
The desire to honor God can be hindered when a couple isn't careful about setting specific boundaries within the relationship. Specific Christian dating advice addresses this issue and provides ideas for staying out of situations that could lead to temptation. For example, couples may limit their physical interactions with one another. Some individuals make a personal commitment not to kiss anyone of the opposite gender until their wedding. Others find this type of restriction to be unnecessary. Though people's views on the specifics may vary, the principle is important boundaries need to be set before a dating relationship begins. Individuals should be certain in their own minds what they will and will not do. Because the decision has already been made, it will be easier for a person to stick to that decision should she find herself with someone with lower standards. Double dates and group outings can be fun ways to spend time with other people instead of spending too much time with just one other person. The couple can still be together, but the temptation for intimacy is lessened when other people are around. Couple can look for Christian dating advice to find other activities they can do together that will help them get to know each other while honoring God.
Experts usually caution Christians against recreational and missionary dates. Let's take a brief look at each of these topics. Recreational dates are casual get-togethers with a member of the opposite gender just to spend time together. These two people have no interest in each other as future spouses, but just want to have a good time. Missionary dates occur when a believer goes out with an unbeliever in hopes of converting that person. However, Scripture warns: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14). Experts on Christian dating advice urge believers to only date other believers whom they want to know better with the eventual goal of marriage. Anything less than that may end up in disaster for both the individuals involved and not be in keeping with God's plan for one's life.
Perhaps one of the best ideas when it comes to Christian dating advice is for Christians to use 1 Corinthians 13, commonly known as the "love" or "charity" chapter, as a pattern when seeking people to date. True love is much deeper than physical attraction and should be the cornerstone of a serious relationship that honors God. This type of love respects the other person's individuality and talent while seeking God's will for the future. Single Christians are encouraged to uphold one another in prayer, to respect physical boundaries, and to avoid recreational and missionary dates. Sites offering Christian dating advice or matchmaking services can be excellent resources, but discretion is needed to sift the wheat from the chaff. Singleness shouldn't be seen as a thorn, but as an opportunity for wholeheartedly serving God.
http://www.christianet.com/christiandating/christiandatingadvice.htm
1 Corinthians 13Love 1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
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